Humor

Fish flies out of lake, breaks Arkansas teen's jaw

Weird News Miami Herald - Sun, 09/07/2008 - 16:35
It's a fishing tale that packs a wallop so strong it broke the jaw of a southeastern Arkansas teen and covered him in fish blood and guts.
Categories: Humor

Authorities: Burglar wakes men with spice rub

Weird News Miami Herald - Sun, 09/07/2008 - 15:45
Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing.
Categories: Humor

Algae-dyed polar bears puzzle Japan zoo visitors

Weird News Miami Herald - Sun, 09/07/2008 - 11:15
Green polar bears are drawing questions from puzzled visitors at a Japanese zoo.
Categories: Humor

Algae-dyed polar bears puzzle Japan zoo visitors

Weird News Miami Herald - Sun, 09/07/2008 - 11:10
Green polar bears are drawing questions from puzzled visitors at a Japanese zoo.
Categories: Humor

Wanted: Ride to Mojave Desert for wayward tortoise

Weird News Miami Herald - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 23:55
Sadie the desert tortoise needs a ride to an adoptive home in the Mojave Desert - the sooner the better.
Categories: Humor

Illinois kindergarten golfer has ace

Weird News Miami Herald - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 19:35
Look out Tiger Woods, 5-year-old Drew Gray's got game.
Categories: Humor

Re: Election Funnies

Ain't No God: Humor - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 14:03
 HEY NOW! Let's not be insulting Gidget. After all she grew up to be the flying nun!
Categories: Humor

Sarah Palin's Church Promotes Conference to Pray Gays into Being Straight

Ain't No God: Humor - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 12:18
I'm posting this in humor, but I will concede that it is a really bad joke.  It seems that the Jeebustarian church attended by Party of Jesus VP Candidate Palin is promoting a conference of people suffering from hallucinations about turning gay people ...
Categories: Humor

Re: Election Funnies

Ain't No God: Humor - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 11:14
Not bad, but the dog should have bitten Karl Rove.  Dogs love pork.
Categories: Humor

Re: Election Funnies

Ain't No God: Humor - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 11:10
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Categories: Humor

Re: Election Funnies

Ain't No God: Humor - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 11:10
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Categories: Humor

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless Grape

Virgin Mary (again) - Sat, 09/06/2008 - 06:55

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless GrapeIn an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled “Yes!” while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.

Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.

The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It’s funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.

Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.

Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be - save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.

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Categories: Blogs, Humor

Man in wheelchair robs Texas 7-Eleven of condoms

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 18:00
A robber rolled into a Dallas convenience store came armed with a bat and a knife. He left with a lot of condoms and an energy drink.
Categories: Humor

NJ cops kick in door over bird's cries for help

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 16:00
Cries for help inside a Trenton, N.J., home turned out to be for the birds. Neighbors called police Wednesday morning after hearing a woman's persistent cry of "Help me! Help me!" coming from a house. Officers arrived and when no one answered the door, they kicked it in to make a rescue.
Categories: Humor

Doctor fired for allegedly drinking on the job

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 12:31
A Massachusetts doctor has been fired and lost the right to renew his medical license for allegedly trying to give a pregnant woman an epidural while drunk.
Categories: Humor

Team dumps logo near buttocks after 70-0 loss

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 12:31
The Idaho Vandals football team is dumping the letter "I" from the buttocks region of players' new pants following a season-opening 70-0 loss to the Arizona Wildcats.
Categories: Humor

W.Va. man accused of drunk driving on a tractor

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 12:11
A Charleston man faces drunken driving charges after police spotted him riding a farm tractor on a highway without lights or proper warning signs. Kanawha County sheriff's deputies arrested 22-year-old Joshua David Postalwait early Friday morning.
Categories: Humor

Parrots wreak havoc at New Zealand bird sanctuary

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 12:01
A gang of unruly teenage bush parrots have wrought havoc at a bird sanctuary in New Zealand by using their powerful beaks to destroy nesting boxes.
Categories: Humor

Ohio preacher, 71, avoids jail in road rage case

Weird News Miami Herald - Fri, 09/05/2008 - 11:41
A 71-year-old Cincinnati preacher convicted of waving a gun and threatening another driver won't be going to jail. A Hamilton County judge on Thursday sentenced Thomas Howell to two years' probation and 100 hours of community service on his conviction for aggravated menacing.
Categories: Humor
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