People in Midland Texas who are afflicted with Catholicism and no common sense at all are claiming that a 2,000 year old Jewish virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, who has never once taken the whole thing, is now appearing in a local tree.

Now when I were a wee lad in a country village, I was very fond of climbing trees. But very few people ever saw me in a tree and said, look, a 2,000 year old virgin. And of course as an actual human child it was fairly easy to tell what was me and what was a tree.

If only the people afflicted with religious delusions could tell the difference between a human being and a deciduous tree! Wouldn’t it be nice if a Catholic could look at a tree and recognize it for what it was, a fucking tree?

I mean really, any slightly ovoid shape that resembles a vagina and boom, idiots are lining up around the block to drool on their T-shirts and say “Wow, she really was a virgin”. Give me a break.

Tree wounds where branches have been cut off are a leading provider of fact-free delusions. And it always seems that the imaginary psuedo-deities seen in these trees just happens to be from the brand of religious delusion from which the discovering fool already suffers.

The human mind is a very powerful pattern recognition device. It is so good at recognizing patterns that it sees things that are not there. This may have served a survival purpose for people catching a glimpse of something moving in the bushes a hundred thousand years ago, but it is not always a bonus. The psychological phenomenon that allows people to see familiar objects that are not really there is called pareidolia. And speaking of seeing familiar things, how do these people know what this fictitious virgin looks like in the first place? Did the apostles have a Canon camera?

It is important to learn how to tell the difference between make believe and reality. It can be very helpful in curing a religious delusion. And really, 2,000 years ago there were very few mothers with perfectly intact hymens. For example none. Still, hymen stories do sell.

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